October is Menopause Awareness Month. Because of this I want to share with you what has been going on for me over the last few months, which is why I haven't been popping up in your inbox very much. I've had to prioritise giving 100% to my clients in my therapy room over other things like emails and social media. I'll be honest, it's been hard to find the energy, the brain power and the confidence for those other things and to think of something worthwhile and interesting to write to you about!
That being said, this is a long but interesting story so please keep reading if you want to hear about hormones, moods and periods!
Most women, and men with women in their lives know the impact that hormones can have on our every day lives. Some are affected more negatively then others;
some struggle on a daily basis,
some on a monthly basis,
and some not so much.
I'm in the first bracket and I want to talk about it in the hope that it may trigger some questions about your own experiences, encourage you to have an open discussion with someone else who may be struggling, or initiate asking for help. I kept changing my mind about whether to share this or not, but the more awareness we raise, the less women will suffer in silence.
I am 40 now and since having my youngest child 9 years ago, things haven't been quite right. There were complications following his birth which may or may not have contributed, I couldn't settle on any form of hormonal contraception (even ones I'd had no problems with previously) and things very slowly and progressively got worse which culminated in, what at the time was diagnosed as 'stress related burnout' 4 years ago.
I had a few panic attacks which I'd never had before, I was suddenly very anxious and extremely low in mood to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts. I was forgetting things and beating myself up over it, my work was suffering as were my relationships. It was a horrible downward spiral of self-loathing, thinking I couldn't cope on a day to day basis with normal life stresses. But looking back and knowing what I know now, it was definitely all hormone related.
A couple of years prior to this, around 2016/2017 I had been desperately trying to get answers from professionals about physical symptoms I was suffering with. Including hot flushes and night sweats, heart palpitations, very low blood pressure, huge peaks and troughs in emotions ranging from pure rage to crying spells (your typical PMS symptoms on an extreme level). I had multiple blood tests and saw a gaenacologist and an endocrinologist, I kept a diary of my cycle alongside tracking my mood, the hot flushes and the night sweats which were all interlinked.
The only question I was ever asked was 'are your periods regular'? To which I'd honestly answer yes so the possibility of perimenopause or premature ovarian insufficiency (POI) was never raised. I was certainly not as informed as I am now, nor was I as confident in questioning things further when I was told there was nothing they could do.
I seemed to have lost my confidence and my way. This feeling of hopelessness and resigning myself to just 'living with it' was compounded after visiting one of the aformentioned specialists about the night sweats I was having. Now these aren't just about getting a bit warm in bed. This is sweating to the point where my bedclothes and bed linen are soaked through. Some nights I have to get up and shower and can't get back into bed unless I'm sandwiched between towels. I was (and still get) so tired and emotional through disturbed sleep that no wonder my mental health was suffering!
But when I visited this so-called professional, he said to me: 'Just think, at least when you do hit menopause, you'll be well practiced at them.'
I left that clinic in tears and didn't seek help again until this year.
Over the past couple of years, I've been a bit busy! I retrained as a massage therapist, started a business during a pandemic, left my secure public services job and thanks to my amazing clients keeping me busy, I have not looked back and don't regret a thing.
But earlier this year, I was tired. And not just a little bit tired. Worryingly fatigued with a permenant headache. Even though my mental health had improved with a new lifestyle, more self-care and complementary therapies, I was still quietly struggling and got to the point where I wondered why I was 'just putting up with it'. I was struggling to cope day to day and for someone who had just turned 40, felt it wasn't right or fair.
Menopause and perimenopause were being talked about more in the press and there was a positive movement towards empowering women to seek help. I was also having more and more conversations with my own clients about the subject, and I was experiencing more symptoms including joint pain, itchy skin, dizzy spells and memory loss. The anxiety and unpredictable moods were also becoming more uncontrollable. So the GP got a long email detailing EVERYTHING!
Since then, I've had more blood tests but once again they kept coming back 'normal'. Everything else was ruled out but apparantly my hormone levels were possibly that of a perimenopausal/menopausal woman but not quite, and because my periods (even though were barely anything) were still regular, and the fact that I was under 45, HRT wasn't something that they were willing to explore.
So I tried the contraceptive pill. This extra boost of oestrogen in my system seemed to lift the fog and I actually felt more energised and more 'like me' than I had for a VERY long time. I even had the energy to socialise with my friends! But the physical symptoms became more erractic, the night sweats and the hot flushes were all over the place. Which, as you can imagine when I'm treating someone who I need to keep nice and warm and cosy in my therapy room, it can become quite difficult when I'm 1000 degrees from the inside out!
However, the only way I could maintain the levelling out of my moods was to take the pill continuously, (you're supposed to have a break every 3 weeks for a week), which quite honestly put my body in a complete spin, I didn't know whether I was coming or going! I could either continue with it, but have breaks and still have the symptomatic peaks and troughs, or reduce the amount of oestrogen with another pill - which I felt defeated the object.
We'd planned another blood test after 3 months anyway, so off I went again and...drum roll please...last week I was confirmed to have extremely low oestrogen levels and was told,
'no wonder it's been difficult for you and I would recommend starting you on Hormone Replacement Therapy, particularly due to your young age'.
The normal age of menopause is early 50's, women can suffer symptoms for several years leading up to this point (perimenopause), but 40 is considered young and the longer a women is lacking in these essential hormones, the more at risk we are of conditions such as heart disease, osteoporosis and dementia.
It's a wierd feeling, noone expects to go through the process in their 30's and 40's. I cried with relief and felt vindicated. I feel lucky that I have had my beautiful children and I feel proud of what I have achieved whilst suffering the symptoms for so long.
But I also feel cross. I feel cross for the women who don't get the help and support they need and think that they are going crazy, for those who have their relationships suffer and break down, for those who see no other way forward and end their lives. A study last year found women aged 45 to 54 have the highest suicide rates. It's not just coincidence.
So that's my updated story. I'm doing loads of research on early menopause/POI and what it all means as I still don't feel fully informed, and I'm looking into ways that I can bring this knowledge into my treatment room and help other women become more informed as well as gain some relief from symptoms by using massage therapy. Massage certainly improves my stress levels and anxiety, it has eased the joint pain and is essential for my wellbeing.
If any of you feel happy to share your experiences, thoughts, feelings about this subject or would like to know more about how massage can help, or even to know more about how I get on in the next few months with my treatment, then please feel free to get in touch. I'd love to hear from you.
The more we talk and share, the easier it will be to quash the stigma that menopausal women are only women in their 50's who have hot flushes. Knowledge is power, and the more informed women, men, parents, young people and health profesionals are then more women will be able to access the correct help at the right time.